Painting Pictures of Egypt

My final patient while working at Remuda had some major anxiety. She was a wonderful Christian believer and during our several sessions where we discussed her issues with an eating disorder and anxiety, we processed the ideas of faith and risk. I believe that the opposite of fear (anxiety) is faith - to believe that what we fear will either not occur or that God in His sovereignty will provide what we need to overcome/walk through the situation with strength. We mused how the people in Scripture who pleased God and were blessed were those who lived by faith and risk. She kept referring to a song by Sara Groves titled "Painting Pictures of Egypt" and how it reminded her of the journey of faith. The song is written from the perspective of the Israelites after they left Egypt and were wandering through the desert. Curious, I downloaded the song and the lyrics really struck me:

I don't want to leave here, I don’t want to stay
It feels like pinching to me either way
The places I long for the most
Are the places where I’ve been
They are calling after me like a long lost friend

It’s not about losing faith
It’s not about trust
It’s all about comfortable
When you move so much
The place I was wasn’t perfect
But I had found a way to live
It wasn’t milk or honey
But then neither is this

I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt
Leaving out what it lacked
The future seems so hard
And I want to go back
But the places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I"ve learned
And those roads closed off to me
While my back was turned

But the lyrics I appreciated the most go like this:

If it comes too quick
I may not recognize it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
If it comes too quick
I may not appreciate it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?

As I drive across 6 states, 2500 miles, over mounatins and across rivers towards the desert, I have reason to be fearful. I am leaving my comfortable home with no home to go to, no possessions but what I carry in my two suitcases, no husband (well, he's waiting for me in the desert), no job, no certainty of when my house in VA will sell, no knowledge of when I'll be settled. But I have been here before. Does that mean that my faith wavers? Not necessarily...like the song says, it's not about trust, but about comfortability. That's what I desire the most. But that is the place where I depend least on my God and are prone to 'sleepwalk' through life. I do want to go back but I have to believe life is more exciting and relationship with God is sweeter when I am uncomfortable. And so, the sand and time continue...and they always will.